Escaping Survival Mode

According to Psychology Today, “survival mode” is an adaptive response of the human body to help us survive danger and stress. 

From the outside looking in, many people would assume that I had an overall healthy childhood and adolescence. I was raised by my grandparents in the country. I got good grades. I never came off as disobedient. My yes mams and no sirs were always polished. Despite being a “good kid” raised in a super religious household, my life has never been exempt from trauma and dysfunction. I am almost certain that I’ve suffered from depression for years undiagnosed. 

I recently read and shared an article that discussed the immobilizing effects of depression. I recognized myself immediately. I wasn’t in a position to get out of the environment that I was in so I mentally became immobile. I don’t remember how I learned to control my rage. How to play along. How to seemingly “fit” into that world until I could get out of it.

Fast forward to now.

At 30. Far removed from the people, places and things that brought the trauma and dysfunction into my life, I still catch myself functioning in survival mode.

It is very difficult to escape this mindset.

I’m constantly reminding myself. I question my decisions alot. Why am I doing this? When it’s time for me to make important decisions I ask myself if I’m doing what I want to do or what needs to be done? Anything involving money and I’m asking if I’m buying an item from a headspace of lack.

Whatever helps right?

To the person that resonates with this blog:

  1. How are you or have you been working on escaping a mindself of survival mode?
  2. What has been your biggest challenge?

You’re Not Communicating

There are a million ways to communicate

And yet you choose the one

We go from everyday to nonverbal to every now and then, then straight to none

 

The I’m busy

Oh i forgot to send the text

I’m adding them to your collection of excuses

And wondering what’s next

 

We make a conscious effort for the things that we want to make time for

Perhaps you don’t wanna make the conscious effort for me anymore

 

We used to say good morning

Now we say nothing at all

We used to say how is your day

And now you don’t even answer my calls

 

The message you’re sending

Is that i should probably cut and run

Because I’m not high enough on your priority level

And we all know that’s no fun

 

Being put on the back burner

While everything else is on the forefront

But as soon as your dick misses me

Communication with me is priority level one

 

Oh wait it’s not like that

Don’t be like that

Don’t do me like that

It is what it is

It’s just x it’s just y it’s just z

No, i get it kid

 

Communication requires a sender

And a receiver

And right now this communication

Has neither

 

We were so excited in the beginning

When we exchanged numbers

And now you seem to struggle to remember

To even send a smoke signal

 

Are you alive

Wait let me check my own pulse

I’ve been dying waiting

For you to “hit me up”

 

Please don’t let our communication die

Don’t let the lack of communication lie

Don’t go the extra mile trying to prove the why

 

You’re not communicating