Self Discovery

2019: What the hell was that all about?

Y’all. 2019 whooped my ass.

Like I’m legit still trying to figure out why it was so rough for me.

And then I realize that I have to hold myself accountable for a majority of the things that happened. Unfortunately I’m THAT friend that’s hard headed. When I’m told that fire burns, my response is “oh yeah, lemme see for myself.” I put my hand on the stove despite the warnings, get burned and simply run cool water over the newly forming blister.

I took hella losses. Everything from finances to business opportunities to my physical, mental and spiritual health. These losses were all used to teach me lessons that I’ve been needing to grow.

Growth (n):

  1. a stage in the process of growing
  2. the process of growing
  3. progressive development
  4. expansion


Instead of listing all of the hard headed ass lessons I learned, I’ve decided to simply sum up my biggest take aways from 2019.

Moderation is Key

Thats with everything. Eating. Drinking wine. Working out. Anything done in excess took away from the goal that I was trying to accomplish. I’ve spent the bulk of the year hyper fixating on crafting that I’d forget to eat. There was a period when I was obsessed with notebooks and spent quite a bit of my finances ordering them online. There were periods where I would obsess about how much I was spending on gas and food. The key was remembering not to go overboard. It also forced me to take inventory of the material possessions that I owned and I began a decluttering process that I still currently use. When I feel myself about to “over do it,” I kindly reel myself back in.

Be Very Specific With Prayers and Intentions

I spent the bulk of 2018 and 2019 without a prayer life. Intentionally. I felt that they weren’t being heard or honored. There was also a time where I felt like I wasn’t “doing it correctly” and decided that I should stop. Thanks to a few good folks that I can have these vulnerable conversations with, I learned much more about about prayer than I have learned in my entire life of being in church. One book that was suggested to me was The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity by Catherine Ponder. It taught me the importance of being specific in your prayers. During the year, I also learned how faithless I had become once again. I’d set intentions for things and didn’t truly believe they’d come to fruition……….until this spring when they did. There was a major “oh shit” moment when I set intentions about a particular kind of guy I wanted to date walked from off of the paper and into my life……and the new apartment….and then the new job……and then financial blessings…….and then business opportunities. My prayers and intentions are super detailed now and I’ve started seeing more of them coming to fruition. I’m also way more cautious of the things that I pray and set intentions for.

Life is Balance

Nobody wants to hear it. Hell, I don’t even wanna remind myself of it sometimes. But it’s truth. 2019 was a rollercoaster. I had to keep remembering how plants grow. They start with seeds. Seeds need good soil. Soil should be tended prior to planting the seed. They need planting. Planting requires a hole to be dug. They need watering. Watering requires water. Too many sunny days will cause a drought. They need rain. They need patience. Seeds planted don’t grow overnight. I began looking more closely at how I viewed the challenges that came into my life. I realized that I was only focusing on the negatives and not the positives. I spent most of the year bitter and angry at the circumstances (some of which I had created for myself). The moment I started changing my perspective, my life began to change for the better. I began starting and ending my days with gratitude.

I Can Choose Boundaries or Barriers

Boundaries was and still is pretty new to me. I’m not quite sure if its a Southern thing or not, but it’s rather frowned upon to decline entertaining people. Or at least that’s how I was raised. Even if you aren’t in the mood to hang out or partake in an activity, you kinda just go along with the flow so that you don’t stand out. And once you’ve been doing that for almost 30 years its a rather hard habit to break. Once I began talking people off of pedestals in my life, creating boundaries became easier. NOBODY gets a pass. Because at the end of the day, the only person I need to be fair to first and foremost is myself. I also recognized that it’s also perfectly okay to have barriers. Not everyone should have the same level of access to my time and or space.

Those That You Don’t Expect To Will

Those that you don’t expect to help you will. This summer was my first summer as a teacher. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to sign up for 12 month pay. After forcing my pride to get out of the way, I asked my friends (and of course my favorite family member) for help. Let’s just say that a ton of tears were shed and nothing got cut off or repossessed. In all honesty, my folks were WILLING to help me and reassured me that if I ever needed them, don’t hesitate to let them know. I was honored. I’m used to being the lender and never the borrower. But again, life is balance right?

Those that you don’t expect to hurt you will. Those that you don’t expect to let you down will. Those that you don’t expect to harm you will. From friends to family. I’ve learned more than I care to have learned about these relationships this year. This is why boundaries and barriers are so critical. Either way I’m grateful for the learning experience and I know what to look out for when bringing people into my life.

What were your key takeaways from 2019?



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